Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
