Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
