i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
