I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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