we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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