And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
