New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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