Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
