Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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