mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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