My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Randomize
