there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
