Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
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