Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
