Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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