you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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