Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
