you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
