i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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