I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
