i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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