We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
