Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
