I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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