we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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