Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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