I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
