Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
