my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
