Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
