the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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