I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
