Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i came on her dog
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
