I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
