he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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