I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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