Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
did you just send me my own nude
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
