oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
