What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
