i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
