sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
