Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
