So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
