I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
