I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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