I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
