i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
