the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
