is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
