She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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