he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
