Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
