So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
