Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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