She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
