ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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