We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
