Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
