Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
