I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
