you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
