you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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