Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
