I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
