Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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