and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
